i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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