ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
