okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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