I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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