All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
