can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
