gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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