hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We were destined to go to rehab together
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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