Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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