A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
