____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
