I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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