i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
