I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm passing your future prison.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
