our cab driver is having phone sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
