omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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