I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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