I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
