There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize