I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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