Is it because I queefed?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
