I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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