my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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