Betty ford says i'm here all night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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