Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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