defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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