I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
