cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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