You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
