nut hugger
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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