they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
