oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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