Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
