In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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