I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
