but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
