I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
