just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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