Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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