I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
