I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
