I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Damn victory sex feels great
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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