So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
