i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
