Fuck appropriateness.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
