I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
