Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize