and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
