hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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