Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
