Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize