Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
